In this powerful episode of The Cool Grandpa Podcast, I sit down with Lee Ostler of the Heart of the Fathers Foundation to explore a transformative idea:
👉 If you want your family to change, you have to change first.
Lee shares deep insights into emotional connection, generational influence, and why many grandparents struggle to truly connect with their grandchildren—not because they don’t care, but because they’ve never been shown how.
Together, they unpack:
- Why emotional regulation is the foundation of strong family relationships
- The danger of “stealing the future” by removing consequences
- How shame and control quietly damage connection
- The difference between feelings and identity—and why it matters
- What it really means to “win the battle for the heart.”
Lee also introduces the philosophy behind the Heart of the Fathers Foundation and their mission to help families build deeper, more meaningful connections across generations.
This episode challenges traditional thinking and invites grandfathers to step into a more intentional, emotionally present role—one that leaves a lasting legacy far beyond activities and advice.
🔥 Key Takeaways
- Connection beats control every time
- Grandparents must model emotional growth—not just expect it
- Feelings are not the problem—shame is
- You can’t demand connection—you build it through presence
- Your legacy is not what you did—it’s how you made them feel
🎯 Action Items for Listeners
- Reflect on one area where you can listen more and control less
- Practice accepting feelings without correcting them
- Reach out to a grandchild with a simple, intentional gesture (note, text, call)
- Model vulnerability—apologize where needed
- Ask: “What can I learn from them?”
🔗 Links Mentioned in the Episode
🌐 Websites
- Heart of the Fathers Foundation
👉 https://www.heartofthefathers.com/ - Grand Connect
👉 https://www.grandconnect.com/ - Listen to my first conversation with Lee
👉 https://cool-grandpa.us/2024/04/12/ep-177-grandchildren-choose-what-is-quality-time/
📧 Contact
- Lee Ostler
👉 LeeOstler@gmail.com
📚 Additional Websites and Resources
- You can watch this conversation on YouTube by using this link: https://youtu.be/HdqkERAlR90
- I have created a Reflection and Connection workbook just for YOU. Use this link to download your free resource: https://cool-grandpa.us/wp-content/uploads/2026/04/Reflection-Connection-Workbook-7.pdf
- Be sure to check out my new article for GRAND Magazine by using this link: www.ReadGrand.com
More Than Grand 
Grandfathers have a unique and meaningful role to play in grandchildren’s development, yet they often find themselves behind the scenes, on the sidelines, or less engaged than they’d like to be. This masterclass delivers a playbook for helping grandfathers level up their influence and impact. Listeners to The Cool Grandpa Podcast can receive 40% off this course by using Cool40 at checkout.
Founded in 2011 by Aaron Larsen as a way to honor his grandparents, GrandparentsAcademy.com is the world’s first and only online academy dedicated to helping grandparents grow meaningful relationships and rich legacies with their loved ones.
